Misunderstood.

The older i get, the more I’m becoming aware of myself. Why i behave a certain way, how i respond to things, how my emotions get triggered, etc.
I’m not saying that i have a very good self control, i definitely don’t, but at least now i take time to reflect on what i do, more than before.

I realized the feeling of being misunderstood in my upbringing have influenced me a lot to avoid certain things. I’m so protective of myself. and i find myself often in a situation where i avoid people altogether or being distant just because I’m afraid of being misunderstood. And afraid of being disappointed. But thats actually the very thing that confuses people of me.

I don’t think i should entertain the idea of changing who i am to something else that I’m not, but I’m definitely keen on improving my awareness, and will try to do better to be more open.

I probably wouldnt go as far to say that i find peace in solitude. But its definitely a way to recharge my energy, by spending sometime alone. Don’t get me wrong, it still scares me to sit still and listening to my busy thoughts without having anyone to interrupt them, or when I’m not working - as work is sometimes also an outlet to 'escape' from myself.

It's fascinating how human mind works.

I agree the more you meet people the more things you learn. But being alone also lets you learn new things - even the most important thing, about yourself.

I sometimes wonder if there is anyone out there with the same frequency, same reflection about life, same desire to be understood the way no one understands ourselves. It would be nice to sit together in silence and feel comfortable with each other’s existence while we feel complete as an individual.