Stoicism.
I’ve always been a big fan of learning, terutama learning about concepts, ideas, philosophies, perspectives, and try to understand how different people from different cultures view the world. It’s fascinating. I remember when i first read Sophie’s world. And though it was in Indonesian, of which gw yakin ga bisa fully represent bahasa aslinya, i was intrigued by how the author wrote such a complex topic into a rather 'simple' and readable literature.
Selanjutnya gw suka mengkonsumsi foreign (not necessarily Western, biarpun most of it) music and films, because they give me ideas of how the main characters view the world. How people conduct social interactions, how they use language to express themselves, how certain gestures could mean differently from the culture i was brought up in.
Fascinating.
Fyi, i don’t think anyone in my family sees the world the way i do. I mean, duh, i know people see things differently (obviously), but what I’m trying to say is, my thinking didn’t exactly get influenced by anyone in the family. Often times i find myself in a situation where i get misunderstood a lot because i can be too critical or too curious about stuff that people would just take for granted. I tend to ask a lot of questions since a very young age (and get shut down a lot of times lol) eg. "Why should we do that? Who says we should do that? But why? Isn’t there any other way to do it? Why can’t i have options? Why do boys get to do things that girls don’t?" Etc..
I grew up as a rather quiet kid, who would be found sitting in a corner reading a book during family gatherings. I couldn’t be bothered to socialize with cousins and speak about stuff i didn’t care about. I figured it was best to keep things to myself, instead of reaching out to people only to be disappointed because they misunderstand me. Books were an amazing escape. They helped to comfort me, and kept me company. Taught me things i didn’t know, and especially kept me sane.
"There are other people in the world who have it worse than me. What I’m feeling is not unique. I’m sure i can get through this." is one of the things i learned from books early on.
But sometimes, I’d find a cousin or two, or a few friends, who shared the same interests, with whom i could talk to for hours and hours without getting bored. Those were the fun times i had growing up - meeting like minded people. :)
Gw suka mikir, why would i be interested in these things. Apalagi environment gw ga se-conducive itu sebenernya untuk encourage critical thinking. I was taught to obey rules, and be obedient.
Jawabannya bisa jadi sama dengan jawaban dari orang yang suka masak, ditanya kenapa suka masak. Ya, gw suka activity-nya. Gw menikmati belajar sesuatu yang baru, dan ng-challenge cara berpikir gw sendiri. Selain itu, gw percaya cuma wisdom yg bisa ngebantu orang untuk living the fullest and most meaningful life. Dari wisdom, manifestasi nya bisa macam-macam. Courage misalnya. Untuk melakukan sesuatu, untuk push things forward for the greater good, even when it feels very challenging. Patience dan perseverance juga, saat rasanya everything is out of place dan the world is not on our side - we will still find a way to have faith.
Alhamdulillah, gw dikasih banyak banget kesempatan oleh Tuhan untuk experience banyak ups and downs. Yang paling gw syukurin adalah pada tahun 2016, i was at one of the lowest points in my life. i had a 'bad' episode which was also the greatest life teacher. I found myself on the edge of depression, despite constant denial that my life was fine and i just had to man up and suck it up. I almost gave up and accepted things less than what i deserve. At the same time, i got introduced to meditation and some helpful communities. Eventually i found the courage to make a decision and reclaim my life. I refused to be a victim of my own decision to accept things that were contradictory to my values.
2017 my life indeed was getting better, or mungkin gw yang dikasih 'penglihatan' baru oleh Tuhan to see things through a different lens. Lensa yang lebih penuh dengan rasa syukur. Walaupun, manusiawi banget gw masih ngerasa ada aja yang kurang dari hidup gw, but for the most part, i can always find things to be grateful about (termasuk untuk masih bisa dikasih kesempatan untuk mengekspresikan diri gw disini).
2018, ga sengaja gw encountered Stoicism. Awalnya cuma karena liat buku 'How to be a Stoic', di Periplus. Stoic, kalau diartikan secara harfiah, mengekspresikan orang yang emotionless, cenderung cold. Tapi sebenernya ajarannya justru jauh dari itu. Stoicism mengajarkan compassion and wisdom through detachment of material things. Menurut gw ajaran ini sedikit banyak overlapping sama Buddhism, walaupun mungkin pada practice nya agak berbeda. Stoicism berhenti pada sebuah filosofi, and not specifically mengacu kepada satu bentuk ketuhanan dan ritual. Banyak penganut Stoicism yang adalah Christian taat, Buddhist, atau bahkan atheist. Dan untuk kasus gw, gw adalah seorang muslim.
But let's not discussing about religions, karena bukan itu point yang mau gw bahas. Stoicism resonates well with me karena ia seperti sebuah balance dari being "progressive" tanpa jadi "aggressive". To let go of things that we cannot control doesn't mean that we need to passively accept things that we actually have control over to change. Instead of being a 'victim' of a circumstance, we can be a fully aware 'agent' and do things in accordance to what we believe. We make things happen. We don't give up. But we know when we have to accept things that are out of our control (eg. the past).
Now isn't that beautiful?
Gw akui masih banyak lagi hal yang belum gw pelajari lebih mendalam tentang Stoicism. Banyak yang masih belum gw mengerti. Tapi untuk saat ini, gw bersyukur dikasih kenalan sama Stoicism and I'm planning to learn more of it.
Anyone shares the same feeling towards the philosophy? Ngobrol yuk, I'm curious to hear about your understanding and experience :)
